Goals

I'm taking a leaf out of kari's book and writing down some goals for this week. I've been working this side business (Tastefully Simple: www.tastefullysimple.com/web/mmiller13 ) and KICKIN BUTT with it. Makin money, building a team and having a blast!!! I earned an all expense paid trip to Cancun Mexico in April of next year. Hit me the other day that I don't want to be a fatty-fatty come April so I'd better start working on things now.

Anyway, I realize that with my TS business i'm setting goals all the time and i'm meeting or exceeding them when i do. The reason: When I have something to focus on I'm successful. Love this quote:

Obsticles are what you see when you take your eye off your goal!

I haven't been suceeding in losing weight or getting healthy because i have had no goal to look at. SO>>>> Here goes:

This weeks Goals:

#1: I will eat 5 meals per day
#2: I will drink at least 100 oz. of water everyday.
#3: I will exercise 5 times this week (30 mins minimum)
#4: I will watch 1 hour (or less) of TV each day.
#5: No Starbucks
#6: No fast food or fried food
#7: No Soda

Why:
#1: CANCUN BABY!!!
#2: I feel fat every time I look in the mirror
#3: I will have more clothes to wear
#4: I will spend the time with my daughter
#5: Because I can and I'm sick of making excuses.

One day you'll stop making excuses and when that day comes, that's when your life starts to change.

I've been Lost

I know I've been MIA for a while.

I am completely not eligible to win this month so no worries... and honestly i haven't been doing well.

But I found this text in my phone that I had sent myself a while ago and I wanted to share.

"One day you run out of excuses and when that day comes, that's when your life starts to change..."

Six Days In

Well, here we are Six days in and LOL so far I've done just about NOTHING toward this weight loss goal.

HOWEVER, things are going SOOOOOOO great in my world. I'm busy like crazy and in many ways stressed to the max. But, my new job is amazing!!!!!! I have realized more and more lately what an amazing position I've been put in. God must have some big plans for me or something because I'm brushing elbows with some very important people. I LOVE IT!

Also, my little side business is BOOMING! I recently made Team Leader with Tastefully Simple and now I'm rolling in the dough. LOL OK, so that $50 bonus check does not yet equal "rolling in the dough" but it's sure exciting to me. I've got some big goals set this month for progressing even further in my business. Any chance any of you are looking for a FUN and EXCITING way to make some extra cash for your family. Christmas is coming soon!!! Do you have a plan that doesn't include racking up your credit card bills? Just something to think about.

Anyway, I'm heading to Minnesota on Tuesday for National Conference with Tastefully Simple and I'm SOOOOOO EXCITED. Can't wait to hang out with my Taste Buds again, some of them I only get to see twice a year when we gather for a TS event.

On a weight loss note; I ended up losing like 6 pounds last month. I didn't spend any time at all doing exercise just changing some of my eating habits that I'd went back to over the last few months. I'm thrilled to death that I ended the month with a loss and I'm quite certain I'll do it again. I'm not competing any more... I mean, I'm going to participate but I'm not going to push for the prize. I'm just planning to work steadily and constantly to see a loss. There were some months when my loss was simply 1 pound and I was so proud. I'm going back to that attitude. A loss is a loss and slow and steady beats the hell out of a roller coaster ride!

Later Gaters!!!

www.tastefullysimple.com/web/mmiller13

It's a loss baby!!!

Well, I didn't blog enough last month to win anything, oh and I sent in my weight LATE... I've been working such strange hours it's hard to keep on top of my game.

Had a loss this month though. First time in a while so i'm WAY WAY WAY excited about that. Hoping to post a loss this month too.

Congrats to all the winners! Great work!

wow have i been slackin!!

not so much on the diet and exercise area but in the blogging... and participating in this competition area. Sorry to all of you!!! usaually i'm WAY better than this at supporting and reading blogs etc. I know we all have busy lives so i won't waste time telling you how mine is so much more busy than any of yours.

I have been doign better this month. Hoping to post a loss. I'm still not competing up to the level that I know i can.

Hopefully next month will go much better than this one.

Two years old

My daughter turned 2 last weekend and we celebrated her birthday this Sunday. It was a great party with all of my family present. There have been some family feuds happening over the last year or so that have prevented some of my extended family from being in the room together but for my daughters birthday they all came showed up. All but one at least... my prayer is that she'll follow shortly.

It was SO much fun to watch my daughter turn two. To reflect on all that we've been through over the past few years and to marvel at how much my family has grown and what we've all accomplished together. With that came a reflection of where I have been, what I've been through and how much I've grown personally.

To be honest with you the over all picture is beautiful and wonderful and I've very happy about it all. In the last two years I've been promoted TWICE, started a new side business (Tastefully Simple) in which I am thriving, my husband went back to work after being unemployed and we were able to buy a new home. Our new house has been the most unbelievable gift from God... Truly a dream come true. I walk/ran two half marathons and lost TONS of weight. Those are just the BIG things, there are tons of small accomplishments that I could go on and on about but... WOW just those things are AMAZING!

Not to diminish any of my accomplishments I took some time to reflect on the things I wanted to accomplish and there were a few things that went unfinished. One of which is to lose 100 pounds. I set out a goal after my daughter was born to lose 100 pounds in a year. I didn't do it in a year. As a matter of fact I have yet to get there. I got DANG close but never did get there.

In September it will be two years from my original declaration of intent to accomplish that goal. It will be a BIG stretch to make it there by September but not an impossible feat. So, I'm bringing that goal back. Obviously I missed my one year mark but I'm gonna aim for the 2 year.

My goal is be be down 100 pounds from my post delivery weight by September.

That means I want to weigh in on September 1st at 276 pounds or less. :D

I can totally do this!...

I had better get started. LOL

"I'm doing slowly what people do quickly every day... committing suicide."

I heard that on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss.

It really struck a cord with me. I haven't gained like 20 pounds in the last six months because I was happy and thriving. I gained so much because I was punishing myself ... I've been killing myself slowly, one mouthful at a time.

Seems senseless when I think about it like that.
What would my daughter think?
What will she think if I'm not here for her later in life?
I'm being selfish!

"It's a Holiday" - the ultimate excuse

Someone said to me the other day that we picked a bad time to “diet” because of the holidays.

“Seriously”, she said, “This month we have the 4th and then there is the 24th and then Labor day! That’s a lot of BBQ’s and beer to give up!”


Let’s just get it all out there people.

Here are a list of the US Holidays:

Jan – New Years Day & Martin Luther King Day
Feb – Jen’s Birthday, Valentine’s Day & Presidents Day
March - Saint Patrick's Day (oh the green beer!!!)
April – Easter
May – Mothers Day & Memorial Day
June – Fathers Day & My sisters Birthday, Karilynn’s Birthday
July – Independence Day, My mom’s Birthday, Jades Birthday and Pioneer Days (24th)
Sept – Labor Day & My Dad Birthday
Oct – Columbus Day & Halloween
Nov – My birthday, Jack’s Birthday, Veterans Day & Thanksgiving
December – Christmas Eve, My Grandma’s Birthday, Christmas Day & New Years Eve

I stuck some birthday’s in there just to illustrate a point… Everyone knows you can’t “diet” when someone is celebrating a birthday right?!?!? Let me ask you this… how many of you don’t know AT LEAST ONE PERSON who is celebrating this month? I bet if you thought about it, between work, friends and family, you could find at least 1 person each month to celebrate with.

Thus, providing us all with at least 1 day to skip the “diet” and eat cake.

Based on this calendar and the IDEA that holidays prevent us from “dieting”, it looks like the only month that I can “diet” is August because the rest of them are chuck full of good holiday, BBQ & Birthday fun!

COME ON PEOPLE!!! LET’S GET REAL!!!


First of all why are you “dieting” in the first place???
It's like Karilynn said, “Stop dieting and start living”!

As long as you are looking for an excuse to eat like crap and make poor choices you’ll find one! I hate to break it to you all but those holidays and even those birthdays are JUST ONE DAY. So even if you do choose to partake of some good old B B Q fun on the holiday LEAVE IT AT THAT!!! If you worked hard and ate GREAT (not just ok or pretty good, GREAT) six days of the week and ate like total CRAP-OLA one day a week you’d still see results!
It’s SOOOOO easy to get caught up in all of the excuses we give ourselves to make bad choices. It’s so easy to think that you’ll put it off till just after this holiday or that, till tomorrow or Monday. But after every holiday there is someone’s birthday; Tomorrow never comes and Monday you’ll just find another excuse.
(Trust me people I'm preaching to myself here)

Making change starts RIGHT NOW! The next choice you make can be a better one than the last. Don’t beat yourself up for choosing to eat at your family BBQ. Stop telling yourself that because you ate the potato salad you jacked up your “diet” and now you may as well kick back a six pack of beer.
Have potato salad just don’t eat enough for 3 people…
Have a beer but you don’t need a 6 pack.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

I CAN DO THIS!!!

We just have to choose to!


For those of you that remember this I wrote one year ago... I’ve had a crappy month. No excuses… it is what it is. I have not weighed in for weeks and I’m not looking forward to it either. I was trying to blog and since it wouldn’t let me log in or ANYTHING I started reading my old posts. I used to inspire people… now I find myself complaining instead of working. Falling apart instead of digging in. I feel like I’ve been fighting for so long. Not just at this but at so many parts of my life. I don’t want to fight anymore. Still, if I’m not fighting then what’s the point right? Or have I gotten it messed up in my head somehow?

Consistently Inconsistent

So far in this competition I'm SUCKING IT UP BIG TIME!!! Just can't seem to stay on track. I've been up and down and all around when it comes to exercise, diet and water intake. I have been sick for a while and then out of town for a week and lots of stress coming at me from every angle. Mostly these are just excuses but they're enough right now to keep me on a roller coaster.

I'm just consistently inconsistent right now and I'm driving myself CRAZY!

12 days left in this month... let's see if i can pull out a loss shall we?

Life or Death

I'm in PA right now visiting my in-laws. We came out here pretty unexpectedly when we found out my father-in-law is having open heart surgery. We decided that before all that took place it was a good idea if they met our daughter.

Monday they met with the surgeons and got less than good news. Right now his health is so poor that he's a bad candidate for surgery. All of his numbers are up and before the doctor will operate he's going to have to lose about 50 pounds. I wasn't present for the conversation but was told later that the statement was made, "lose the weight or you will die". You see without the surgery he'll die and he can't have the surgery till he loses weight. YIKES!

Since I've known him weight has been a struggle. A few years ago he lost his job and has been struggling with unemployment and his self esteem since then. As all of us know that's a bad recipe for disaster with someone that is already fighting to keep their weight down or off. I'm not sure exactly how much he's gained but it looks like it was 52 pounds TO MUCH!

We were talking last night about his diet. My husband was giving him some advice about what he should and should not be eating. I was filling him in on the tips I've learned from doing this competition thinking it would help him at least a little. But, he looked up at me and said, "I love those ideas Mindy... But I don't have any choices now. I don't GET to do this or WANT to do this. I HAVE to do this or I will die."

It got me thinking, Will a life or death diagnosis make a difference? Would it for me?

Let's face it... A lot of us are in that exact position but just haven't allowed ourselves to think of it like that. We've got; high blood pressure or high cholesterol. Diabetes or digestion issues. Stretched skin, week muscles and joints. We look in the mirror and see ourselves getting older and bigger but we struggle to make the distinction between living and dying.

So? It's got me thinking. If someone said, "You must lose the weight and get healthy or you WILL die." Would we somehow snap out of it? Would we somehow overcome the obstacles that hold us back every day? Or would we continue on, oblivious to the truth staring us in the face, pretending we'll live forever?

Setting Goals

As some of you know (and some of you don't) I am an independent consultant for Tastefully Simple (For more information check out my website. ;0) www.tastefullysimple.com/web/mmiller13 ) I've been working that business for 9 months and I LOVE IT! Already I've won a 4 day trip to Cancun Mexico (all inclusive) with my sales. I had to have $18,000 in sales ($2000 per month) Jan 1st - Sept 30st. I hit the 18,000 mark last month. The number one reason that I was successful in doing so was because I set goals. Every month that I've set goals for myself in my business I have succeeded. I haven't always hit the goal exactly but I've hit more than I've missed and I've gotten darn close. One month I didn't set any goals and I didn't even clear the $2000 mark. Something that is pretty easy if I'm completely honest. My focus was nowhere AND that's exactly where I ended up.

It didn't take long to figure out what had gone wrong in my business that month. It was quite simple to see. At that point I made myself a promise to always set goals for my business: Yearly, Monthly and even weekly. So far I've had great success.

Thinking about that has made me realize that I MUST set some goals for myself in this competition. One of my favorite sayings (you'll probably hear it about a BILLION time) is "It's better to aim for the moon and miss than to aim for a cow pie and HIT IT!" SO TRUE RIGHT. One of my Tastefully Simple team mates said to me... "You know Mindy! If you aim for the moon and miss you'll still hit a star!"

I came across this document at work the other day and I loved what it said so I thought I'd share. Check it out and then if you haven't already GO SET SOME GOALS!!!

When it comes to dealing with life’s setbacks, you must step up to the plate and be proactive. Look your problem in the eye and take action.Having a plan can help you stay on track. The following tips can serve as a guide to reaching your goals:

• Be specific. When setting goals, be exact and you are more likely to succeed. For example, instead of saying you want to save money, set a specific goal to save $20 per week.

• Put it in writing. Write down what you want to achieve and post it in a visible place to remind you what you’re working toward. Use positive terms. For example, instead of writing, “I will stop eating junk food,” re-word your goal: “I will make healthy food choices.” (I love that... how often do we focus on the negative instead of the positive? I know I do ALL THE TIME)

• Set realistic goals. When you think about setting goals, make sure that they are within reach. Be mindful of your finances, schedule and other personal affairs. It’s unreasonable to expect to make big changes overnight. (I think this is so true. I also believe that you must stretch yourself when you set goals. If you only set your goals for what you know you can do easily then there is no challenge in that.)

• Develop an action plan. Create a timeline with specific steps and timing. Cross them off as you go. Sometimes watching your list get smaller can give you a sense of accomplishment and help you stay motivated. (This comp helps with this. We have an established timeline with several checkpoints. What is your monthly goal? What is your overall goal?)

•Believe in yourself. Stay positive about your progress. As the saying goes, “If you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” (Another favorite. I've heard it, "Think you can or think you can't. Either way you're right!)

• Be flexible. Setbacks happen. Don’t give up. Try again! Your hard work will pay off! (YUP! That one's for me)

• Ask for help. If you need encouragement, don’t be afraid to ask. You’d be surprised at how supportive people can be. (Another great thing this comp does. BLOG! Not just "Hi. I'm here. Checking in." Talk to us!!! Tell us how you're doing. The good, the bad and the ugly. That's one of the reasons we're in this. To support each other along the way~)

• Reward yourself. Acknowledge your achievements, even the small ones. Reaching a goal takes hard work. Be proud of your efforts.Celebrating can mean something as simple as taking time for yourself. (Reward yourself DOES NOT mean EAT ICE CREAM! I'm just saying!)

Having a clear plan can help you weather the biggest and smallest of storms. Setting goals puts you back in charge.

A little bit about me

HI! I think that most of you know me by now but I figure there is a chance that some of you may not so I thought I'd start out this competition by telling you a little about me.

My name is Mindy ;0) I'm 31 years old, married to the love of my life and have 1 little girl. My baby girl Jade is AMAZING! By far the greatest thing I've ever done.

Exactly 1 year and 11 month ago (TODAY) I had my little girl and weighed in at an astounding 376 pounds. This was me just before I gave birth:
And this was me just a short time after:
Over the course of the last two years I've competed a lot and won a little. I have had months that I lost 1 pound and months that I lost 18 pounds and did that steadily until about 9 months ago. This was me then:

In October of last year I had some personal struggles that really set me off track. Since then I have steadily gained back roughly 30 pounds. I could do the exact math but it's not that important. The point is I have gained. The good news... I'm still at a BIG loss. I'm down over 50 pounds still and looks like I'll be going down from here. The bad news... This is me NOW:

Yep! I pretty much feel EXACTLY like I look. WOW, I had NO plans to EVER post this picture before I'd stated working and actually accomplished something but here I am adding it to this post.

The thing is; this is the truth. The reality of me right now. There was a time that I would have been ashamed of this. That I would have never EVER said out loud that I was weighing in at 376 pounds or that I'm weighing in at over 320 now. The fear of the response that people may have was overwhelming. Right now, surprisingly all i feel is encouraged. LOL Who would have thought huh?

As you have seen from my last post I was unsure about this competition. Not sure if I would "win" even if I wasn't taking first place. But right now I realize that I already have. Until this moment I didn't realize how competing has already changed me for the positive. I may not be at my goal weight and I'm not even close to skinny but, look at me! I'm amazing and not ashamed of me, even in my failure and I'm way excited to realize it!

I'm not excited that I've gained. I'm mortified that I have been avoiding the scale in an effort to avoid knowing exactly how much. Even more than that, now that I know, now that I've let myself see the number I can also see it when I look in the mirror. That sucks! I wish I had seen it all along... still, I was not willing to do anything about it so it probably wouldn't have mattered.

I see now... and after this so do all of you. I promise you that when you see this picture next month it will be side by side with one that shows amazing loss. Perhaps not in scale weight but in inches FOR SURE (I'm way better at losing inches than I am losing pounds). I can't wait for this month to pass to see how they look.

I'm EXCITED! Hope you are too!

~Good luck~

Freaking Motivation.... Where are you?

Warning: this blog is going to be a bunch of random thoughts all thrown down and probably somewhat negative... just gotta work through some stuff and what better way than here?!?!?!

So as most of you know Karilynn has thrown out a new competition challenge. It's really messing with my head. On one hand I TOTALLY want to compete because I'm feeling and overwhelming lack of motivation these last months and I really need something to kick my butt into gear.... on the other hand. I've got NO motivation to compete or to work or to succeed and I'm not sure the competition is enough to push me into it.

What this means: I don't want to throw away money doing something if I'm not going to do it all the way. BUT if i don't do it at all then that's even worse right? Is it worth it for some motivation to be working even if I'm not killing it and taking first place? Or will doing an OK job and not winning anything just be enough to kill whatever minor motivation signing up may bring? More importantly... if I KILL myself and work really really REALLY hard and I don't win then will that destroy my motivation to succeed for the rest of the time.

In the past competition has done all of those things for me. Fired me up and crushed me, either because I worked super hard and got no where OR I sucked it up and got no where then beat myself up because it was my own damn fault. UGH!

Anyone out there feeling my pain? Why the hell can't this whole thing be easy? Why can't losing weight be like gaining weight? Just indulge yourself in lots of fantastically flavorful fatty food that is SUPER DUPER easy and brings you an immediate false sense of happiness that only last for a minute then requires you to eat more to feel it again. LOL

WOW just typing that had me rolling my eyes and contradicting myself in my head.

BLAH! So, I guess I'm going to do this thing. I don't know what the heck will happen but I suppose working towards something and succeeding a little is better than not working toward anything and doing a really great job at it. I say it all the time to my Taste Bud's... It's better to aim for the moon and miss than to aim for a cow pie and hit it! ~Favorite saying EVER~!

Later dudes... guess I'll see you all in the comp?

Lee DeWyze - Beautiful Like You

I don't know how many American Idols are out there but I was watching when last years winner Lee DeWyze performed his new single 'Beautiful Like You'. I totally fell in love with it. (Click on the title if you want to hear it for yourself)

I absolutely believe that this is a prophetic song and when I first heard it, it seemed as if it were God singing to me. That may sounds strange to some of you but... that's how I felt. Now I've listened to it several times and I intentionally listen AS IF God IS singing it to me.

I believe it's something he'd say to me, in my life, right now... maybe it's something he'd say to you as well.
I took a little liberty with the lyrics to help illustrate my point. [ie.] But here they are.
Thought I'd share:

Everybody wants to look into the mirror
and feel a little better now
And everybody wants to know there’s someone out there
Waiting for you to come around

And I wish that you could feel it [my love]
But you don’t choose to believe it
Cause I know that you can’t see it [my] way,
That way

If you could only just stop, stop, stop running
If you could only take a second to breath it [my love] in
Everything that you know would be beautiful
Like you

You know they’re never gonna stop, stop, stop [my] love
Let’s pretend that the world is waking up
Everything that we see is beautiful
Like you

Everybody wants to, tell someone their secrets
Why don’t you tell me now?
[if you would]
Well, maybe I can fix this
cause I don’t want, you to miss this [life]
and the sun is rainin down, yeah

If you could only just stop, stop, stop running
If you could only take a second to breathe it [my love] in
Everything that you know would be beautiful
Like you

You know they’re never gonna stop, stop, stop [my] love
Let’s pretend that the world is waking up
Everything that we see is beautiful
Like you

Sometimes it’s hard to be… yourself in this crazy world.
Sometimes it’s hard to breathe… yeah

Everybody wants to know there’s someone out there
Waiting for you to come around

[I am... so] Come around!

If you could only just stop, stop, stop running
If you could only take a second to breathe it [my love] in
Everything that you know would be beautiful
Like you

You know they’re never gonna stop, stop, stop [my] love
Let’s pretend that the world is waking up
Everything that we see can be beautiful
Like you

Can be beautiful
Like you
Can be beautiful
Like you….
Beautiful!

Half Way Over

Can you believe it's already the middle of the month? For me this month is FLYING by! Who am I kidding? The last couple of years have flown by for me. People always told me that time passes even quicker once you have kids. I thought they were crazy or just exaggerating but I'm here to tell you, IT'S TRUE!

So, some of you may know that I jumped on the Lent band wagon and decided to see if I have the discipline enough to let something go for 40 days. Well, it turns out (so far at least) I do! :0) I was originally considering giving up sugar or bread or something like that but after reading a few post on FB about the meaning of lent I didn't think that would be enough or more accurately: the right thing for me to give up.

I am not Catholic and don't really know much about Lent if I'm honest with myself. I know only that you are to give up something for 40 days and something about not eating meat at certain times. LOL For those of you reading this that are Catholic I'm sure you're rolling your eyes at me right now. ;0) To the point: I decided to give something up and after reading some stuff about Lent and looking to Jesus while doing it I figure it's something like a 40 day fast with maybe a few extra rules. With that in mind I dug into my heart to try to find something I could give up that would truly be difficult for me to do. When I did that I realized it was more like Starbucks that was a sacrifice but going even deeper... DRIVE-THRUS!

I know what you're thinking, "drive-thrus?!?!?!?!?!" I've had several people question me about that but here's the thing. By nature, well at least lately it seems, I'm a relatively "lazy" person. Why walk inside when I can just drive up to the window. I wasn't really like that before but with the addition of my little one and my crazy busy schedule I find myself at the drive-thru a lot. Do you know how much effort and energy goes into unloading the baby and walking into Starbucks? Keeping a hold of her while I order, pay, wait for my drink and then pick it up? Then to get her wiggling body and my coffee loaded back into the car without dropping one or the other? It may seem silly but IT AINT EASY! LOL At least not when you can just zip up to the window, order, pay and receive your drink all while the baby is happily playing in her car seat.

Additionally, by making it Drive-thrus rather than just Starbucks it means I'm not hitting up any restaurants for that fast food quick fix. No gas stations for that quick soda or sweat treat. No run to the local establishment for an ice cream sundae. By eliminating drive-thrus I eliminate the ease and convince of lazy behavior.

Some have argued that it's quite stupid because if I really want then all I have to do is get out of my car and walk inside. SO TRUE! But guess what!... I haven't had any of those things. No Starbucks (or any other coffee shop), No fast food, No soda, No ice cream sundaes!

It hasn't been easy. Almost daily I'd say I'm thinking about one of those things and weighing my options. But by simply taking the convenience out of the choice it requires me to ACTUALLY think about what I'm doing. It gives me that extra minute to determine if this is something I really want to take the time, effort and energy to do AND more importantly; it gives me the time to figure out if it's something I really want to consume.

I'm not a fan of denying yourself every one of life's pleasures in an effort to lose weight. But I am a big proponent of at least affording yourself the courtesy of making an informed decision. (ie. looking at the Girl Scout Cookie box, counting the calories and then deciding if you'll eat the whole thing.) Buying on impulse, in the spur of the emotional moment so to speak, hardly ever works out in your favor.

We'll see how this 40 days goes but I'm seriously considering the possibility of giving up Drive-thrus for good. The way I see it so far, only good can come from it.

Would it help you? How often do you find yourself driving-thru for a quick fix? How much money would you save? How often would you talk yourself out of that guilty pleasure?

Just something to think about!
Be blessed!

One Week In

Well here we are nearly 1 week into this months competition and i'm having mixed results. I planned to get right on track and kick some serious trash but then what happened...?....? GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!!!

DARN THOSE LITTLE GIRL SCOUTS!
It's totally a trick. Like a month ago I ordered those darn things not thinking much about it. TEN boxes to be exact and what do you know... they arrive right when i'm ready to kick this thing into high gear. What happened after that? I had a crappy day and ate the WHOLE BOX! Yep that's right all 940 calories of freaking amazing Girl Scout Cookie Wonder.
You're probably wondering if i looked after the fact in some rash moment of feeling guilty. NOPE I looked before i popped that first cookie in my mouth. I did the math figured out the total damage shrugged my shoulders and said WHAT THE HECK! LOL And i loved ever crumb! Well needless to say after a bit of a stomach ache i pondered what'd i'd just done.

It was one of those moments where i could do one of two things... hate myself for it OR get over it. So i shrugged, put on my walking shoes and went for a walk. :0) I figured, it was not the best move i could have made but rather than dwell on it or think, "well i already ate one why not go for two?" I did what i could to counter balance the event.

I have to say I'm not feeling guilty at all.

When i give my daughter a cookie she gets SO excited. She says yum, yum, yum the whole time she's eating it. It's such a pleasure to watch her because it's obvious she's enjoying it SO much. She oo's and ah's the whole time and when she's finished she says, "Ma ma. Cookie Yummy!" and then "mo mo's?" which is what ti sounds like when she says "more?" Sometimes i'll give her another just so i can watch her eat it. Every time i do it think to myself. I can't remember what that's like. Feeling that shear pleasure that comes from eating something wonderful. That uncensored joy at the flavor. The excitement of the special treat. She doesn't know what it is to count calories or feel guilty about eating food. She just does it. But you know what else she does? When she's full, when she's satisfied, she stops eating. Doesn't matter if there are 7 cookies sitting there un-eaten. When she's at her limit she stops.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could hold on to that? Not get food all mixed up with emotions and restrictions. Not be constantly analysing what we're eating and how it's going to effect us. more importantly. Wouldn't it be nice if when we had reached our limit we could stop?

I've decided i want to try to get back to that. I realize that i've got 31 years of mixed up emotions attached to food so it's not going to be easy but, i'm going to give it my best shot. I wan to eat food that i enjoy and not worry about the guilt. with that i'm going to stop eating when i feel satisfied. I want to re-learn how i "feel" about food.

I believe it's possible.

On a positive note. I had a belly dance performance today and at the beginning of this week i was COMPLETELY unprepared! Because of that i spent every night this week for HOURS dancing my little butt off! My calorie burn is back up! My metabolism is back up! I'm geared back up about exercise and that makes me VERY happy. I can't wait to see what next week brings.

Hope you're all doing well!!!

To Compete... or NOT Compete... This is the question!

Here is the skinny girls as of right now there are only TWO of us that are eligible to win the prize for this competition. Only TWO of us. Well some of you are now wishing for a bend in the rules so that you can stay in or get back in. Quite frankly I’m kinda at a loss!!!

I know this month has had some ups and downs for us all. In fact this competition has been like that from he beginning. I was asked today if I'm going to do it again and honestly I'm not sure. It seems that no matter how simple or how complicated or how technical this rules are for this competition someone is always look for a loop hole.

I DID!

Last month when I weighed in with some freaking amazing weight loss I was pissed at myself that I hadn't met the blog requirements. I was just lucky because most of you weren't having good months and were looking forward to get some more time to work harder. I've been less successful this month yet I've met the blog requirements so I’m thrilled to death to find that I’m one of only two that are still eligible for the money. But, some of you are fighting for an opportunity to win because although you haven’t met the blog requirements you’ve managed to show some big losses.

I’ve been asked to make exceptions or extend the competition again. But it makes me wonder….

When do we stop? Do we postpone the pay off one more time and give everyone one more clean slate? OR do we weigh in now and not give credit where credit is due to those that had big losses?

When do we stop?
Next month?
Next year?
WHEN?
When do we finally pay out?
When all of us have met all the requirements and actually posted large gains so we feel worthy of winning?

Will that ever happen??????

After much discussion with Karilynn I feel as if I’m left with only one option so here it is:

Weigh in is March 1st @ 6PM

You MUST

(NO EXCEPTIONS)

Have your scale pics and full body shots to me at

mindylburton@yahoo.com

by Tuesday March 1st at 6PM!!!

If you want a shot at the fat cash! :0)

Please make sure you're wearing the same clothes that you had on in your original pics.

Although these pics will be

NEW STARTING POINT

pictures.

That’s right.

EVERYONE

in this competition has

ONE MORE CHANCE

(and I do mean ONE!!!!)

If you would like a clean slate and a chance to win this money you must

weigh in with me by March 1st at 6PM.

If at that time only Marinda and myself weigh in we will end the competition

and the money will be split 70/30.

If however, any of you want a chance to take the money you must also weigh in.

We are starting over.

Starting from scratch.

Staring again!

This means. Any weight you’ve lost or gained the last two months does not count for you or against you. We will all be starting over from March 1st and weighing in the final weigh in on April 1st at 6PM.

Competition rules are the same.
NO PILLS!

(if we find out about ANYTHING you’re OUT!)
NO FAD DIETS!

(if I hear about ANY fad diets… you’re OUT!!!)
YOU MUST BLOG 4 TIMES IN MARCH

(if you don’t… YOU’RE OUT!)
YOU MUST HAVE NO MORE THAN

10 DAYS BETWEEN BLOGS!

(you know what I’m gonna say. LOL)

~Blog post will be determined by the date stamp of each blog~

NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!

NO STARTING AGAIN!!!!!

NO EXTENSIONS!!!!!!

THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE

If you want this money, you want the glory, you want the opportunity this is it.

If you have any questions or problems getting your pics to me please call or text me by 5PM so that we can figure out an alternative.

The object for the weigh in this month is a roll of toilet paper! LOL

Just pulled that out of my ear.

FYI: ALL OF YOU have told me what your current weight is. You must weigh in on March 1st within 3 poiunds of that weight to be elligable. No putting on ankle weights to tip the scales in your favor. LOL

GOOD LUCK!

People Make Excuses, Not Decisions

Wow! So... the last few weeks have TOTALLY sucked! I'm getting my butt handed to me at work, my daughter has been SICK SICK SICK. I'm tired and run down and frustrated. I haven't seen the inside of a gym or felt a track or treadmill under my feet for DAYS (who'm I kidding... it has been weeks) To top all this wonderful off I got hit with a rocking migraine today and I'm praying to God that I did not get whatever it is my daughter has been fighting off. I have so much on my plate tomorrow at it's almost scary and I should have been in bed an hour ago. BUT, I find myself sitting in front of the computer typing this blog instead.

I have been trying to come up with a great blog about something I heard but until tonight I just didn't seem to have it in me. Truth is I'm EXHAUSTED right now so I may still just sound like a mumbling idiot but I guess that's what you all get for reading what is basically just my journal. LOL... I digress.

So here it is. I jumped on the scale today and it would be fair to say I’m less than satisfied with what I saw. I'm frustrated that I had such a rockin month last month and this one has been pretty much a FLOP. (Especially since I would have almost certainly have taking the cash on last months competition and this one is turning out to actually be a challenge for me... probably not the point but, there it is anyway.) As I stepped off my scale shaking my head trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do now I heard myself say, "I don't know what to do!" (yes it came out in that whiny poor picked on me voice that we often use when we're feeling all bummed and stuff.)

Almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind I heard this little statement in my head,

"People make excuses, not decisions."


I know! Totally worth chewing on right? I was having this amazing conversation with a good friend the other day and he said that to me. It's so true. We spend our lives making excuses don't we? "I couldn't go to the gym because..." or "I didn't stick to my diet because..." or "I didn't finish that assignment/job/task because..." How often do we say, "I chose not to go to the gym today." or "I chose to eat off menu today." or "I'm sorry sir, I chose not to do that."

We don't say stuff like that because??? Why? I don't know... maybe because society has taught us that we MUST have an excuse for EVERYTHING. How many of you can't say NO? If someone were to come up to you and say, "Hey! Can you come over and help me move on Saturday?" How many of you could say, "No" and leave it at that? When they ask, "Why?" How many of you could say because I choose not to".. ? Can any of you? NO WAY!!! We'd say, I can't cause I've got this happening or that happening or blah blah blah." Why? Why can we not just make a decision, and live with the choice that we make? Because that person would what? Not like us anymore? If that's true then they probably didn't like you much to begin with. So why is it so hard to make a decision?

I choose not to go to the gym.
I choose to eat this chocolate chip cookie.
I choose to not eat chicken again for-like-ever!

Sure, those choices have consequences. But at least I'll be facing those consequences head on and saying. Yep, I gained 10 pounds because I made those choices. Not just making a thousand excuses about the thousand excuses I made to not do the things I said I’d do.

I don't want to make excuses anymore.

I'm haven't lost weight this month because I have made a thousand excuses not to work on that part of my life instead of making one decision each day, each meal, each hour if that's what it takes. Because really there is only one ultimate choice to make. I choose to make me a priority. No longer will I make an excuse to explain away the fact I am not a priority in my own life.

I choose me.





So, here’s the reality of that statement… at least for me, in my own life. I can not do everything. I’m fighting tooth and nail to lose scale weight and losing sight of what is really important to me. My health. I'm tired of being disappointed by a number which leads me to a bunch of excuses and even more frustration. It's a vicious cycle and I choose not to do it anymore.

Last year although competing (more for the support than for the money) I was working toward a goal that was not connected to my weight loss. I’m revisiting those goals that I have made this year, walk/running 1000 miles and running at least 7 miles of my half marathon. My first is June 11th. That’s coming soon so I’d better get working on it. Those are the things I’m going to be focusing on.

I am not going to focus on losing weight anymore. I choose to focus on strength, distance and speed. I think the weight will follow. I choose to throw that damn scale out the window. I will not longer be a slave to a number.

Starbucks and Chocolate Chip Cookies

Why is it when I'm trying to do my best all I want is Starbucks and Chocolate Chip cookies? There must be some chemical imbalance to explain it... some synapse misfiring or SOMETHING that means more than I'm weak.

Have you ever heard some say, "she's looking at you like a fat girl looks at chocolate cake"? You know... she's looking at you like you're finger licking good! Or she's looking at you like you're something sweat to eat. For me it would be she's looking at you like she looks at a triple grande White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks.

I love Starbucks. Way to much. My mom got me one of those single serve coffee dispensers and although it has helped reduce the number of times I'm indulging in my Starbucks treats it has not stopped it all together... If only Starbucks got together with Keurig and made K-Cups. Hm? Maybe they have!?!?!?!?!? I'd better get online and check.

Did you know that McDonalds has some of the best chocolate chip cookies around? Hm? Do you? Well it's true. When I was pregnant I went through a chocolate chip cookie phase. It was short lived because Chocolate gave me all kinds of heart burn but, I had one none the less. It was then that I realized these warm chewy-gooey treats were available. Day or night, rain or sun... The golden arches have at the end of them some chocolaty goodness. I love that goofy clown.

Do you know what's better than either of them?!?!?!?! It's the combination. A triple Grande white chocolate mocha with warm chewy chocolate chip cookies is simply delightful!!!

No reason for this blog other than trying to convince myself I don't need either right now.

IT'S NOT WORKING!

Guess I'll go to bed instead.

Good night

A Hiccup

This last week at work has been MORE than stressful. I've been tasked with a whole bunch of new work to do and I found myself spending most of the week frustrated and exhausted. In addition to that the extra work kept me from my much needed stress relief/gym time. One of the amazing things about working up on base is that they allow us 3 hours per week to exercise. I've been taking advantage of this time for the last little bit and I'm pretty sure it's one of the major reasons, not only have I been able to lose what I have but it's also helped me keep a level head. With that precious time gone all of that level headedness is going out the window.

For those of you that have been following my blog... or my life you know what that looks like...

YIKES!!!!!

Well, This week I'm determined to get back to the gym. If it means I've got to go into work early and use my own time I've got to get there. I just can't wait till the weather warms up and I can start running outside with Jade. Today was SOOOOO beautiful she and I spent about an hour just playing outside in the sunshine. It was still cold though and her little nose turned bright red before we got inside.

ANYWAY, Overall I'm not doing bad. Not busting bum like I was last month. Maybe the idea that I'm ahead has made me complacent? I think that's a bad thing... So I guess I'll step it up this week.

Later dudes! LOL

Competition Extension

You all know by now that we're extending the competition end date. The reason for this is there was a lot of talk about not doing very well and wishing there were more time to be had. LOL Although I didn't make my goal of 20 pounds I am VERY proud cause I got VERY close! I'm 15.6 pounds down to be exact! WHOOP!

I have to say that there was a week in there that I lost almost nothing and was getting VERY frustrated cause I thought I was going to be stuck FOREVER. But I kicked my diet into high gear and got moving again. :) I'm really proud of myself for not giving up or giving in.

Since we've decided to extend the competition I'm giving everyone a clean slate. Other than the weigh in amount that last month is over. Starting today we're starting fresh. What does that mean exactly? Well, if you haven't blogged because you didn't think you'd win so you gave up... START TYPING! If you stopped working hard for the same reason... START WORKING!

You've all got 4 more weeks to kick it into high gear and make your goals. I'm pretty sure I've got the upper hand at this point. I DARE YOU TO BEAT ME!!! :P You can all do math and I'm pretty sure you can figure out what percent I'm down and work to get there. I have to lose 2 times what you all have to lose to get to the same place so you can catch up if you try.

I know this month is going to be great! We got this ladies... Get up and move your butts! LOL

Blog counts start now! So, just to make sure everyone is on the same page. You must blog at least 4 times this month with no more than 10 days in between entries. My goal is to do what I used to do and blog every Sunday. For me picking a day and doing it that day every week works best. Put it on your calendar or whatever it takes. I wanna pay out some dough for some serious percentage of weight loss... So get 'er done!

(PS. One of our contestants didn't pay in so the cash at the end is $100 distribution will be in the same percentages)

Had to blog...

I started this blog on this day and just never hit the send button. Not sure why exactly. I've been having a really hard time getting to a computer to get this done. The computer at my house is ridiculously slow and it ends up just making me mad. Bought a new one for my husband for Christmas but we haven't taken the time to hook up the router etc. so that it will work with the Internet. Sounds like a lame excuse huh?!?!?! Well, there you go.

Anyway, my blog entry went something like this:

I'm kicking butt and taking names! I had a little hiccup where i wasn't losing at all and I was getting frustrated...


That's not all I got down but I'm going to incorporate the rest into my next blog... SO, see you there!

At least I did… At least I didn’t…

I was on Facebook the other day (you gotta love facebook… lol) and in my news feed I saw a conversation between some old friends of mine. I knew these guys from my high school days when I was crazy enough to think I could be a skater. YIKES! Ah… the good ol days! LOL Anyway, the comments said this, Keegan: “Brit Gunderson or Danny Coleman, what was so bad about saying at least?” After some digital laughter (hahahahaha) Danny said this, “I think it’s cuz you didn’t give it your all and giving yourself an out by saying ‘at least I…” Brinton followed up with this, “It’s an automatic excuse!!! At least I didn’t fall… at least I didn’t bleed… but the bottom line is YOU DIDN’T DO WHATEVER YOU WERE TRYING TO DO!”

I’m not really sure I need to make too many comments about this. If reading this hit home for you like it did for me than you can probably stop reading right here and just reflect on your own “at least’s”. But, if it didn’t, or you’re just curious here’s my ten cents opinion about the subject.

I’ve made it no secret that I spent the last few months making stupid choices. I realize now that I’ve been saying “at least” a lot! “At least I didn’t do drugs; at least it was 20 and not 40” And so on and so forth.

I also find myself saying it even now; now that I’m back on track. I didn’t do the 6 miles I planned today but “at least” I did 4. I wanted to get to the gym 5 times this week but at least I got there 3 times. I wanted to be perfectly on menu but “at least” I did 6 out of 7 days.

This has got me thinking!

I am normally one to encourage people to focus on the good things they do. Yeah you wanted to go 5 days but look, you went 3! That’s great! Focus on that and make a goal to do better next week. I still think there is value in that because I think it is better to focus on the good that you’re doing rather than the bad especially if looking at the bad is going to bum you out and cause you to make even worse choices. I know for me, starting out, I had to do that a lot. I had to praise myself for every accomplishment, even in its smallest measure, because if I didn’t I would get discouraged and spiral farther and farther away from my goal.

But I find myself asking if I need that now?

Do I need to focus on the small accomplishments and dismiss the fact that I didn’t do what I planned to do?

No, I don’t!

I’ve been at this game long enough to look honestly at what I’ve been doing and what I’m doing wrong. I know what my capabilities are and I know what my limits are. I know how to set appropriate and obtainable goals; goals that will stretch me just a little for that week. So, as far as I’m concerned I’m done with “at least”. When I don’t accomplish the goal I set for myself I’m not going to make excuses. At this point I’m not helping myself at all by doing this.

Every time I excuse myself from doing “great” by accepting my “Ok” I sell myself short. Every time I excuse myself from doing my “best” by accepting or kidding myself that I’m doing “better” I cheat myself out of an opportunity to learn and grow. Every time I kid myself, lie to myself, lie to someone else, exaggerate or under exaggerate what I have done or haven’t done I am holding back my true potential.

I’m done denying myself my true potential.

I will not hide behind my “at least I did”… or “at least I didn’t”…

From now on if I set a goal and do not accomplish that goal I will not list all of the reasons it was ok. I will not whip out the “at least” and rationalize it away. From now on I am going to acknowledge my shortcomings and my successes without lying to myself, without any excuses.

Bottom Line: If you find yourself saying “at least I…” You did not do what it was you were planning to do! You did not accomplish your goal. You did not follow through. You did not live up to your full potential. Don’t beat yourself up about it but don’t lie to yourself about it either. If you find yourself saying “at least I…” you are selling yourself short and you deserve better.

You deserve the best.

The FAT me

I've been trying to think of something to blog about and I have just felt as if I have nothing to say. "I'm like speechless. I have no words. That never happens to me... words are my life!" (Can you name that movie?) Anyway... The other day I was texting a friend of mine about my month so far I had the big EUREKA moment. Here it is:

I have said that I've gained weight since the last competition but I've been a little tight lipped to most about just HOW MUCH it is because I was feeling all weird about it. It's 20 pounds. But I've come to realize that although admitting this out loud is disturbing it is also somewhat liberating too.

The admission of this truth brings with it the truth that I am back over 300 pounds. Something I swore I would NEVER do again. Yet here I am, 10.8 pounds over the BIG 300 to be exact. That's a lot. My goal for this month is to lose 20 pounds. The idea that doing this will just undo the damage I've done by being completely stupid for the last 3 months kinda makes me sick. BUT it also kinda makes me happy too. I know weird, right? Well here's the thing. Before now that would seem like something impossible. Something unachievable. Something overwhelming. Something that I COULD NOT DO... Before I would have been so utterly depressed by the fact that I had gained that weight and I would have beat myself up about it for days, weeks... even months. All the while gaining more and more and more.

But that was BEFORE.

I don't know exactly when this mind set changed, all I can say is sometime in the last 1.5 years it did. And now, I'm happy because I know that I CAN do it. It may take a month to undo the last 3 months of bad choices but it's not going to take a year. Even if it took me 3 months to undo I know now that I can do it.

I still have within me that feeling of shame, of guilt. That feeling in me that somehow if I say it out loud to the world (or at least to those of you that are reading this now) if I admit that I messed up and just how bad, that you'll be disappointed in me. I still have that nagging feeling that I'm disappointed in myself. Those feelings have been such an integral part of my life for so long I don't know if they'll ever go away completely. I think that even if I made it to my ULTIMATE goal weight I'd still fight those feelings every time I gained even 5 pounds.
Being fat, gaining weight, fighting the "endless battle" of losing weight, that's who I've been for as long as I can remember.

But guess what! All tied up in that same string of emotions I also now have hope, strength, determination and knowledge. I have a knowledge that if I just set my mind to it, do the things I now know I CAN do... 20 pounds is a piece of cake! I'm serious. A piece of cake. I know now that I can lose weight. I know now that I can lose 97 pounds because I have done it before. I know that I can do even better than that. I know that I posses the skill, knowledge and strength that it takes. Sometimes, in the midst of life, I forget. Or I start to doubt myself and wonder if I can. But that's just the old me, the insecure me, the FAT me talking. But now, that person doesn't exist anymore.

I'm not saying I'm skinny, that'd just be stupid. I'm saying that I no longer question my ability to fight this fight. More importantly, I no longer question my ability to win. I can do this!

When I did my first half marathon I honestly did not know if I could do it. That was one of the most challenging things I have ever put myself through. Once I crossed that finish line something in me was changed forever. When I did my second half marathon, although I had not been training and was not prepared, I was able to finish because I had done it once before.
I KNEW I could do it. That knowledge was all I needed to get me through.

We hear it all the time, "mind over matter".

One of the truest statements ever uttered.

Our minds are so powerful.

If I can quiet that Fat me in my head. If I listen to what I know,

to what I believe to be true,

not what I fear,

then I can do anything.

If you can just get past that part of your mind that doubts it,

you can do anything too.

I can do this. I KNOW I can.

(whatever it is)

So can you!

I’ve been trying to post this blog for a couple of days but I’ve been having some technical difficulties with my computer at home. Hopefully they will be fixed shortly. For the competition we officially have six participants. They are Jen, Ketti, Mindy (me), Karilynn, Marinda and Lisa. Links to their blogs are in my blog list to the left of this post. I hope that you will all add them to your blog list and be as supportive as possible. (I’m still waiting on a couple of checks so I’m hoping that those of you that said “It’s in the mail!” were not mistaken, or lying or whatever. ;0)

GET ME YOUR MONEY!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

It looks like we’re all working to take of some holiday weight and I’m EXCITED to see the results at the end of the month. Good luck to all of you! Although I look forward to kicking all of your trash I’m hoping you’re all doing great so far.