One Week In

Well here we are nearly 1 week into this months competition and i'm having mixed results. I planned to get right on track and kick some serious trash but then what happened...?....? GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!!!

DARN THOSE LITTLE GIRL SCOUTS!
It's totally a trick. Like a month ago I ordered those darn things not thinking much about it. TEN boxes to be exact and what do you know... they arrive right when i'm ready to kick this thing into high gear. What happened after that? I had a crappy day and ate the WHOLE BOX! Yep that's right all 940 calories of freaking amazing Girl Scout Cookie Wonder.
You're probably wondering if i looked after the fact in some rash moment of feeling guilty. NOPE I looked before i popped that first cookie in my mouth. I did the math figured out the total damage shrugged my shoulders and said WHAT THE HECK! LOL And i loved ever crumb! Well needless to say after a bit of a stomach ache i pondered what'd i'd just done.

It was one of those moments where i could do one of two things... hate myself for it OR get over it. So i shrugged, put on my walking shoes and went for a walk. :0) I figured, it was not the best move i could have made but rather than dwell on it or think, "well i already ate one why not go for two?" I did what i could to counter balance the event.

I have to say I'm not feeling guilty at all.

When i give my daughter a cookie she gets SO excited. She says yum, yum, yum the whole time she's eating it. It's such a pleasure to watch her because it's obvious she's enjoying it SO much. She oo's and ah's the whole time and when she's finished she says, "Ma ma. Cookie Yummy!" and then "mo mo's?" which is what ti sounds like when she says "more?" Sometimes i'll give her another just so i can watch her eat it. Every time i do it think to myself. I can't remember what that's like. Feeling that shear pleasure that comes from eating something wonderful. That uncensored joy at the flavor. The excitement of the special treat. She doesn't know what it is to count calories or feel guilty about eating food. She just does it. But you know what else she does? When she's full, when she's satisfied, she stops eating. Doesn't matter if there are 7 cookies sitting there un-eaten. When she's at her limit she stops.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could hold on to that? Not get food all mixed up with emotions and restrictions. Not be constantly analysing what we're eating and how it's going to effect us. more importantly. Wouldn't it be nice if when we had reached our limit we could stop?

I've decided i want to try to get back to that. I realize that i've got 31 years of mixed up emotions attached to food so it's not going to be easy but, i'm going to give it my best shot. I wan to eat food that i enjoy and not worry about the guilt. with that i'm going to stop eating when i feel satisfied. I want to re-learn how i "feel" about food.

I believe it's possible.

On a positive note. I had a belly dance performance today and at the beginning of this week i was COMPLETELY unprepared! Because of that i spent every night this week for HOURS dancing my little butt off! My calorie burn is back up! My metabolism is back up! I'm geared back up about exercise and that makes me VERY happy. I can't wait to see what next week brings.

Hope you're all doing well!!!