Ups and Downs

This month I've spent most of my time soaring on adrenaline. I've felt better than i have in a long time. Pretty much every part of my life has been going GREAT!

and then SPLAT!!! I wake up one morning feeling like i got hit by a Mack Truck and I'm lying flat on my face on the floor. WHERE'S MY ADRENALINE?????

I spent the day moping around feeling sorry for me. Hating work, arguing with my husband, impatient with my daughter. I fought ALL DAY to resist the urge to gorge myself with food and ICE CREAM. When it was time to go to bed i sighed in relief because i had made it through that day. What on earth was going on? I was so worried that I'd lost that edge.

THANK GOD!!! I woke up the next day refreshed and energized. Back in action and feeling great about everything. What happened the day before? i still don't know. But this i do know: I spent the day fighting temptation and perhaps that's exactly what it was all about. I've said it before that the Devil is a sneaky little bastard so maybe he just chose to see if he could get me? But, he didn't!!! I made it through that day of feeling sorry for myself and came out kicking on the other side. I came out a better person for having resisted drowning my sorrow in fat and calories. No set-backs or speed bumps to overcome because of it.

I'm not sure what may have happened if i had given in to the temptation. All i can say is THANK GOD I DIDN'T!!! This month is FLYING by. Hope everyone is doing well!

8 Miles

So I've told you all that I'm training for the Utah Valley Half Marathon (June 12th) so it will come to no surprise I'm sure that i walked 8 miles yesterday. What may surprise you and sure as heck surprised me was that i walked 4 miles straight up a GIANT hill!!!

I'm not really sure what possessed me but many weeks ago when i was planning for this i realized that Jen (you all know her Jennifer B in this comp) lived almost exactly 4 miles from me. At the time i was convinced that it must be much farther away than that but after driving various distances i realize that all distances seem wildly different when you're on foot. (DUH!!!)

ANYWAY... I called Jen up and said, "Hey, if i walk the 4 miles to your house will you meet me at the corner and walk back home with me?" She agreed so i did it. I have to totally thank Jen because I'm not sure i would have made it had i not known that she was waiting for me at the top of that hill. When i finally got about .2 miles from the end and it leveled out i was so exhilarated that i ran the rest of the way!

Jen met me and we headed down the hill. It was AMAZING! That was the farthest that both of us have ever walked in one shot and when we reached my house and realized we had done it, we both felt like a MILLION BUCKS!

I swear i have not felt as energetic, motivated and accomplished as i do right now in my life. I hope that this momentum and attitude carries into the coming weeks.

I hope you're all doing well with the competition. Can't wait to see who takes home the overall. There are so many of you that have done a fantastic job!! KEEP IT UP!

Love the Pain

Well, it's official! I've been training again for a week now and

GOOD GOLLY I LOVE THE PAIN!

In all seriousness i haven't felt this amazing in months! Oh I've been going through the motions and making progress little by little but not right now... right now I'm full steam ahead and picking up speed. :0)

I'm happy to announce that I have officially lost the weight that i gained and I'm on to losing again. it will be hard to post a large enough loss this month to win but I'm sure gonna try.

Good by donuts… hello celery?

Isn’t that about how it seems? It’s so funny how when I decided to buckle down it’s like my body revolts. I start thinking things like “good bye donuts… hello celery” and then all I want to do is eat a freaking donut (or 2). It takes days to break that mental cycle and realize that that’s just crappy thinking!!!
Eating healthy doesn’t require eating food you don’t like OR food that has no flavor. (Sorry to any of you celery lovers out there that are thinking I’m a jerk for saying it has no flavor.)
There are TONS of foods that taste great and are good for you. Bananas for example: Bananas are freaking amazing. I love them. I could eat like 2 every day. How about granola, chicken, black beans, yogurt? How quickly we forget about those awesome flavors. Salmon and asparagus, rice and… YUMMY ORANGES!!!
Food is amazing without all the excess fat and sugar it just takes our bodies and our minds a minute or two to remember that.
I had a bad couple of weeks last month and I feel like I’m still recovering from some bad food choices. I find myself longing for some greasy crappy food and I am reminded of the article that was posted on Moi’s blog a while ago. I am having these internal conversations with myself about how I don't need the excess garbage or junk food but I find myself pulling into the damn drive-thru anyway.... it's like I can feel the shocks pulsing through my body and yet I can't seem to rip myself away. WHAT THE HELL?????

Thanks to God~ I have managed to somehow break that cycle!!! Thank you Jesus! Now i'm back on track and digging in for change.

I hope everyone is having a killer month! See you all at the finish line!

Opportunity

First let me just take a second to wish all you HOT MOMS a very Happy Mother's Day!!!

Now with that out of the way i have an announcement: I'm so excited about this month!
My dad, bless his heart, has afforded me the opportunity of a lifetime. I was talking to him about feeling frustrated... feeling like i was going NO WHERE and that i was struggling with motivation. we had a really great conversation and in the end he agreed to help pay for me to work out with a trainer!

So Saturday i met with her for the first time and i have to say I'm THRILLED!!!! Her name is Devin and she's completely amazing. Not only does she have a rocking body and OBVIOUSLY is in great shape it turns out she's got a 4 month old baby girl at home. DAMN!!! That's what I'm going to look like 4 months after my next kid! What an inspiration!

Anyway, We're going to meet three times a week for a while and then maybe cut back to two. I have to admit I'm a little bit nervous. I've worked out with trainers before and I LOVE IT but I've been hesitant to have my butt kicked to hard because I'm a little scared i won't be able to pick Jade up. LOL! I know it will be worth it though. I told her i really wanted to focus on lots of weight and low reps in an effort to "bulk up". :0) This desire comes from a past experience when i worked with my husband. I had this HUGE HUGH HUGE mental block when it came to "losing weight". Whenever i got it in my heed that weight loss was the goal i inevitably got frustrated and just gave up. My brilliant husband suggested we change up the wording. He said, "Let's make your goal to "GAIN muscle". And what do you know... IT WORKED!!! We focused hard on putting on muscle and taking off fat and I'll be darned if the inches didn't fall off me!

I literally didn't lose to much weight though... all the fat was replaced with muscle so I'm not sure this approach will win me the competition but you can bet your sweet bottom I'll kick some serious but in inch loss!!!!

Wish me luck!

Weigh In May Day

OK everyone...

here is the damage...

(I'LL POST FULL PICS TOMORROW OR SOMETHING)

Not severe but not great either.

I DO have GREAT news...

in case you all forgot

(cause I know i forgot for a second)

I am a freaking ROCK STAR!!!!

YEP That's right! A rock star!

So it's a new month and my spirit is renewed!

I'm totally STOKED for May.

Spring is here and i'm so ready for it!

In all my UGH i'm such a BLAH this month i've been slacking on blogging so i'm

SOOOO SORRY for that~

I'll be better this month i promise!

Thanks to all of your support and comments.

I may have been rolling my eyes

and thinking blah blah blah

but it was getting in my thoughts and into my heart and my mind

and it was all that love and support

that helped keep me from drowning this month.

So again

THANK YOU!!!

I wanted to add these pics now that i got them uploaded... I'm happy tos ee that i didn't do much damage this month! WHEW!!!! No change or not much is better than making a big old mess of everything. Can't wait for June's pics.

Congrats to all the winners!!! GO KIM!!!

Reflection

Well, this month has been incredibly disappointing, exciting, challenging, boring, frustrating, enlightening, exhausting and a whole bunch of other emotions and experiences.
I will end this month with a gain and although for a while I thought of all the ways I could try to kill myself to undo what I had done but in the end I realized that, that is not why I’m here. I’M HERE TO CHANGE MY LIFE!!! I’m not here just to crash diet or win a competition. I am not proud of myself for this month but instead of beating myself up about it I’m going to use it as a learning experience. I know the reasons I’ve gained this month. I could list them one by one and analyst and criticize myself but I don’t think it would do me any good at this point.
This is the first month since July of last year that I have not posted a loss.
So what have I learned by it… I WILL NOT GAIN WEIGHT AGAIN!!!!
Until I’m at my goal weight and have some healthy weight fluctuation I will steadily continue to lose weight.
I did just want to mention one thing. While reflecting about this month and all that has happened one big thing stuck out in my mind; 3 Sundays in a row I didn’t make it to church. My husband, child and myself took turns being sick and subsequently I was at home a lot. Out of everything that I did wrong, everything that made this month a challenge I really believe that was the part that had the greatest effect on me. Going to church is not a requirement or a chore. It’s a blessing… soaking in Gods present and being fed by his word is the VERY best thing I can do for my health. Out of it all… that realization makes this month WELL WORTH IT!
Be blessed!