Warning: I’m VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY tired.
During this competition I have become aware of my love of not just food but of spending money on food. I have what I have lovingly coined “extreme cravings” and I’m not sure what to do with them. My extreme cravings are INSANE and they go something like this… I have something yummy to eat, this something can be good or bad, a banana for instance or a 3 chocolate chunk ice cream Sunday. That yummy thing will get not only in my mouth but in my head. Soon I’m thinking about it all the time and no matter where I am or what I’m doing I have to have it. So here is where it gets bad. Often I will physically get sick of eating that thing. Suddenly the chocolate tastes like cardboard or the banana like soggy washcloth, but I am mentally unable to stop myself from eating it. I went through a phase where it was a sausage egg and cheese croissant from Burger King. I think I ate one 5 days a week for like a month. Do you know how many calories that is? Do you know how much money that is as well? Honestly I’ve never added it up because I know I would be sick at the thought but none the less there it is. I would be driving to work and suddenly although the croissant didn’t taste good to me at all I would still pull in EVERY DAY and order one. On my day off I would look for reasons to leave my house so that I could get one. Often I would lie to my husband or make up errands I needed to do just to get my “fix”. Sometimes I just told the truth and he would question why I thought I needed it and although his intentions were genuine and sincere and not mean at all his words would sting like a whip and I thought it was just easier to lie the next time. I’ve honestly over drawn my checking account and paid an $18.00 fee for something I got at McDonalds (probably coffee cause I love their lattes). The reason I go to McDonalds is because the coffee is good and cheep… but DUH!!! When you’re tacking on a fee of that size I could have gone to Starbucks like 3 times.
Anyway, I digress; here is my point or my thoughts or whatever you want to call it. I don’t know why I do this. I don’t know why I need my “fix”. Sometimes I feel like I go from addiction to addiction never really understanding what the underlying factor is. I’ve always had this feeling like food was the one thing I thought I could control. I used to think that when things were bad in life only I could decide what I put in my mouth. I thought, “This is my choice and I can do whatever I want.” NO ONE could make me eat or not eat anything that I wanted. But I realize that that is just crap and I’m obviously out of control! So EEK what do I do now? How do you break an addictive cycle that you’ve carried with you for at least 20 years? I need to get to the root of the issue so I can rip it out and throw down some weed killer but I’m not sure where to start.
20 lbs down
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As each day passes, it's getting easier and easier to eat the restricted
diet. Don't get me wrong, I am hoping and praying that phase 3 comes fast,
because...
10 years ago
6 comments:
I did the math for you!!!! If you went to Burger King 20 times in a month and ONLY ate ONE regular sausage, egg and cheese croisant you will eat 9200 calories, 620g fat, 20,000 mg of sodium and spend $60 BEFORE TAX! ;o)
I have no idea how to break the cycle. I suppose you need to find a special HEALTHY treat that you love, and even though you could buy it at Sam's in bulk, find it at a gas station and stop every morning to get a bottled water and (INSERT HEALTHY ITEM HERE). My drug of choice these days are Marathon bars! (It's a protein bar by snickers!) EVIL... but not too bad for me and it actually tastes good!
PS. I was bored and did more math. The 620g of fat is actually 1.38 LBS!! BOO YAH.. STICK THAT IN YOUR MOUTH! ;o)
Girl I hear you. I fight the same thing. I saw on Dr. OZ (don't ask me why I was watching it) that hypnatisim sometimes works. It helps reprogram your brain into questioning yourself when you crave something you know is bad for you. I've heard about it in the past and am wondering how much it costs... maybe get a group together to do it and see if it'll work. Since most of our cravings are imbedded does this really help release them. Anyways I'm not sure but I struggle with the same thing. I personally know what the underline issue is for me. I've gone to counciling, I talk about it aloud with people, and still seem to stay where I'm at.
Do you have someone you could call when you realize these cravings are in place? maybe you could set up an accountability partner that you could call at anytime to say okay I'm in my rut can you pull me out. I know PEER pressure can be a bad thing but maybe you could use it to keep you from doing a bad thing????? I know when I'm "accountable" to some one I tend to be stronger. Also maybe you could replace your "Unhealthy snacks" with slightly less unhealthy ones???? Try this it's not that healthy but it helps my sweet tooth. take one graham cracker (rectangle) break it in half so you have 2 squares and put in the lowfat/carbs coolwhip then freeze it. It's kinda like a ice cream bar but with only 80 or calories and like 14 carbs. OOOH I just had an idea since one of your cravings you mentioned has to do with chocolate mix coco in the cool whip???? it may work??? THEN TAKE THE MONEY you'd spend at BK or where ever and put it in a jar. and at the end of the month buy yourself a PRIZE like clothes, shoes, a gadget.......... something fun. hope all this helps. I don't know you but if you don't have someone you are comfortable calling shoot me an email and I'll give you my #.
Look at where you were and where you are now! You look great! You know you can do this because you ARE doing it. Don't get down on yourself!
I know this may sound extreme but check out an NA book and put in food for everytime you read drug. I have been working at a rehab for a while and have found LOTS of very helpful things in that book. But the first step to overcoming any addiction is admitting the problem and handing over to your higher power. Trust you can overcome it, believe in yourself, and trust in him. He would give you nothing that you couldnt handle. And you have my number if you wanna chat.
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