What the hell! Right?

Ok ladies I’ve decided it’s time to get down and dirty!

Up until this point I’ve been very careful about what I’ve put on my blog as far as weight and stuff goes. I haven’t linked the biggest loser blog page to mine in an effort to keep those not in this contest from seeing it. I have this insane fear that people that don’t “really need to know” will see my weight on there and look at me differently. I have friends and family that read this blog and I guarantee none of them realize how much I really weigh. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted to keep it that way. Well that is until today anyway. Today something changed! I’m not really sure what but here is what happened.

Every other Friday when I work there is only myself and one other guy in the whole building. I love these days because it give me TONS of time to get stuff done that I’ve been putting off or that requires some quite research time. It also gives me lots of time to think and reflect. I didn’t plan on thinking about this contest but since it’s the beginning of the month I found myself doing just that. I was thinking about where I have been and where I’m at… more importantly where I want to be and I realized something. I’m exactly where I want to be. At a starting point.

October 1st was yet another starting point for me. I was thinking about the past month and being really hard on myself because I didn’t show a higher weight loss. I was thinking and overanalyzing the choices I made and nit-picking even the slightest error in judgment. But holy crap… look at the inches I’ve lost this month! I’m beating myself up because the scale didn’t move enough and ignoring the 2 pant size drop. What the heck? Sometimes I think about 3 years ago when I lost “this weight” or “that weight” or weighed “this much” or “that much”. I get caught up in the “used to be’s” and the “might have beens”. I can spend hours second guessing myself and the choices I’ve made over the past couple years. But it doesn’t really get me anywhere. Today I realized that thinking about the past, especially when it’s a negative thought process, only does one thing: Takes my eyes off of my future! What is the point if looking back makes you feel crappy when looking to the future is SO full of promise?

So here I am… at a starting point. This is me in ALL my glory. My current weight: 326.6 lbs.

My height: 5’ 10.5” and these are my “before” and “current” pictures. I must admit that it would have been much harder to post these pictures without having some current pictures to go with but, this is still VERY difficult for me!
However, I’m finished! I’m finished worrying who might see my true weight and gasp in surprise or cringe in disgust. I’m finished because, I’m finished being over 300 lbs.
Hell I’m even finished with being over 250!!!
SO HERE I AM!!!

My goal for this month is to look to the future.
Each day I get a new starting point and each day:
I’m going to make better choices than the one before it.
I’m going to walk faster and run farther.
I’m going to smile more and bitch less.
I’m going to set at least one goal for that day and accomplish it!
I’m going to read one chapter in my bible.
I’m going to pray.
I’m sure I’ll think of more to add to this list but I think this is a good start. Don’t you?