And i thought i was fat

I've been thinking so much about Karilynn's challenge for this week and I was pretty surprised at what I came up with.... or what I couldn’t come up with rather. Over the last couple of days I realized that I have NO FREAKING CLUE WHY I'M DOING THIS!!!

I had a bunch of ideas in my head and thought I knew exactly what I was doing and why but I was wrong. All of my reasons had something to do with other people. Healthy for my daughter, successful and sexy for my husband, I wanted to "out do" Karilynn overall or beat Jen at this competition. What I’ve realized is that NONE of those reasons have really got me very far.

I’m not discounting the success I’ve had but I have gotten really honest with myself. I only exercised 5 times in the month of January FIVE TIMES!!! 4 of which were in the same week. So yes it’s great that I lost 14 or so pounds but not nearly what I could have accomplished had I been focused or had a clear and concise goal. I did well but I could have done SOOOOOO much better. I’m not beating myself up or putting myself down so please don’t misunderstand. What I’m saying is that short of wanting to lose 100 lbs. in 1 year I haven’t really set many or any goals. I’ve said some stuff like, do better or blah blah but I haven’t gotten specific. I realized that I need to and I’m working on that.

So I was pondering all of this and watching Oprah (one tends to ponder I think when Oprah is on) and she said something that really hit home. She was talking about all of us having our “thing” to overcome or whatever and then she said this, “how great can your life be if you can just find the courage to live your own truth?” I almost fell out of my chair. “Eureka!” I thought… “That’s it!!”

That is why I’m doing this: I have finally found the courage to live my own truth. This body… this fat girl…This isn’t me! I am active and healthy, outgoing and adventurous, fit and energetic. I love clothes and make-up, dancing and singing. I have always been “a whole lot of woman” but I’ve walked tall and I’ve always been proud to be me. When I look in the mirror I see how beautiful I am and I’m confident on the edge of cocky but not quite. I love to talk and to create things. I am prophetic and artistic and a really great friend.

So that’s why I’m doing this. At some point in the last couple of years I let a whole string of bad choices turn me into someone I don’t even recognize. I know how I got here I’m just not sure why I let it happen. What I’ve discovered in the last few days is it’s not as important to figure out why or how this happened but to figure out why and how I’m going to change it. So I’m setting some goals… some VERY, VERY, VERY specific goals.

Let’s see what happens shall we?

I thought I’d throw in some pictures of me from different points in my life. I look back on these pictures and see me doing things I love… I see me. I thought that I was fat in every one of these pictures. How stupid was that? I wish I had known then what I know now.


I was reading someones blog and they put at the bottom: "Goal to report on next week" I love this idea and so here goes. My Goal for this week is to Eat perfectly on Menu 5-6 days. Exercise 3 times resistance 3 times cardio. I'll let you know next week how I did.