Freaking Motivation.... Where are you?

Warning: this blog is going to be a bunch of random thoughts all thrown down and probably somewhat negative... just gotta work through some stuff and what better way than here?!?!?!

So as most of you know Karilynn has thrown out a new competition challenge. It's really messing with my head. On one hand I TOTALLY want to compete because I'm feeling and overwhelming lack of motivation these last months and I really need something to kick my butt into gear.... on the other hand. I've got NO motivation to compete or to work or to succeed and I'm not sure the competition is enough to push me into it.

What this means: I don't want to throw away money doing something if I'm not going to do it all the way. BUT if i don't do it at all then that's even worse right? Is it worth it for some motivation to be working even if I'm not killing it and taking first place? Or will doing an OK job and not winning anything just be enough to kill whatever minor motivation signing up may bring? More importantly... if I KILL myself and work really really REALLY hard and I don't win then will that destroy my motivation to succeed for the rest of the time.

In the past competition has done all of those things for me. Fired me up and crushed me, either because I worked super hard and got no where OR I sucked it up and got no where then beat myself up because it was my own damn fault. UGH!

Anyone out there feeling my pain? Why the hell can't this whole thing be easy? Why can't losing weight be like gaining weight? Just indulge yourself in lots of fantastically flavorful fatty food that is SUPER DUPER easy and brings you an immediate false sense of happiness that only last for a minute then requires you to eat more to feel it again. LOL

WOW just typing that had me rolling my eyes and contradicting myself in my head.

BLAH! So, I guess I'm going to do this thing. I don't know what the heck will happen but I suppose working towards something and succeeding a little is better than not working toward anything and doing a really great job at it. I say it all the time to my Taste Bud's... It's better to aim for the moon and miss than to aim for a cow pie and hit it! ~Favorite saying EVER~!

Later dudes... guess I'll see you all in the comp?